Attaching an electric chainsaw to your dog's legs is not an acceptable substitute for a leash either.
It seems like there are more and more news headlines out there that tell us obvious things. "Exercise is good for you!" - "Thinking makes you smarter!" - "If you spend less money, you're being frugal!" Are these things actually "news" to anyone?
If this guy's newspaper had more than two pages, I'm sure there'd be a sidebar: "Never give your goldfish a samurai sword."
P.S. I am never drawing toenails on a character again.